Well I thought about the army
Dad said Son, you're fuckin' high
And I thought, yeah, there's a first for everything
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only fifteen grand
Spent in bed, I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chic-Fil-A
Citing artistic differences, the band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
But they'd got a different name
Nuked another Grandma's Apple Pie and hung my head in shame

Been thinkin' a lot today
Been thinkin' a lot today

Oh, think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, think I'll take it to LA
Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I cry out to my reflection:
God, please spare me more rejection!
Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

Been thinkin' a lot today
Been thinkin' a lot today
Been thinkin' a lot today

I thought about
The army